Lessons from a Soccer Mom

Lessons from a Soccer Mom

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As a mother of a young, energetic five-year-old son, I found myself looking for something he could do to use up his energetic enthusiasm. Like most parents I turned to sports to see if that might be a good match for my son. I found that AYSO was holding registration for fall/spring soccer in my city. I found myself somewhat nervous over the prospect of signing him up. I've seen the stories in the news where some overly fanatical parent gets arrested at a recreation league sporting event for assaulting another parent, referee, coach or child. I worried that my son might end up with a coach who approached the sport with a military drill sergeant enthusiasm, taking the joy right out of it for his players. I was also concerned that if and when my son lost games, missed goals, or messed up in some way; it might hurt his self-esteem along with his feelings. Regardless of all the worries, he was excited at the prospect of playing and I was determined not to let my anxieties get in the way of his childhood. We are now in our second season of recreation league soccer and have found the experience much more than we hoped for. In fact I have found a handful of lessons that I was able to teach my son about not only soccer and team sports but about life in general.

1. Having fun is what sports are all about. Last fall we joined the ranks of thousands of soccer parents. We got up early and filled our son with a nutritious breakfast. We dressed him in his royal blue and black uniform, complete with soccer cleats, shin guards and socks, and headed off for the 9:00 AM game. We found the soccer fields which were teeming with soccer players, coaches, parents, and onlookers. We found our son's field and set up our camping chairs on the sideline. Watching the 4 person team of four and five-year-olds was a fun experience. Some of the little players had been kicking soccer balls around since they could walk while others, like my son, had never seen a soccer ball before the first practice a few days earlier. Some were quick with the ball and had excellent reflexes. Others were aggressive towards the other team and some were shy and awkward. We were pleasantly surprised as parents that our son seemed to have good mechanics and scored a couple of goals in that first game. At the end of the twenty minute game, our son came up to us all smiles and at that moment I knew our reaction to that first game was important. I thought of all the things I could say to him..."Great game!!", "Good job scoring!", "You won, congratulations!" However, when he came up to us I decided the thing I most wanted to reinforce was, "You look like you had so much fun!!!" He smiled enthusiastically and nodded vigorously, agreeing that he had indeed had fun. He has now learned that scoring and winning is fun, more fun in fact than losing. He never complains about losing though and always seems to have fun at Saturday games. At half time, he can be seen kicking the soccer ball around while others are sitting on the sidelines After the field has cleared and the other players are packing up and leaving, he will stay as long as he can kick the ball with anyone who will kick it around with him. He loves the sport for the pure fun of it. He doesn't play to win. He plays for fun. How happy I am as a mom that he has found a talent he loves and has fun with.

2. Treating others with respect and kindness is more important than the game. Inevitably about half way through that first season, my son's team encountered a team that was highly aggressive and was filled with very good little players. My son's team was outscored badly. One of the players on the other team seemed to revel in his superiority over other players. He would "talk trash", so to speak, calling names and pointing and laughing when his team scored. He would push and even grab jerseys's and pull other players down. After enduring this treatment for the better part of the game, my son decided he would return the same to his opponent. He began calling the boy names and getting in his face. As the quarter ended I asked the coach if he could pull my son out. I then sat him by me and asked how it felt to be bullied and teased. He responded that it didn't feel good. I then explained that if at anytime in the future I saw him teasing or bullying back I would ask his coach to pull him out and he wouldn't be allowed to play the rest of the game. We talked about how name calling and teasing takes the fun out of it for everyone. He quickly realized that the fun he finds in soccer is not worth sacrificing. We have since talked about different techniques for bullying on the field, including walking away or just saying good job to the bully. Once in a while I still may catch him pushing but overall, his lesson to treat others with respect was well learned early on.

3. Family support and unity are important. The next lesson is one for not only my son but our whole family. Our son has an older sister and younger brother. They are his biggest cheerleaders and will sit on the sidelines yelling encouragement to my son and his teammates. Soccer games on Saturday morning are a family affair. We all load up and we all go. At times, I admit, I would love to send off my little soccer player with his dad while I stayed home with his siblings. But I want my children to know they are supported by a caring family. My other two children, who don't play soccer, get a chance to encourage and show their support while my soccer player feels that his sister and brother care for him and his interests. In return, when it is time for his sister to perform a piano recital, my soccer player knows that the support he receives from his sister needs to be reciprocated. Does recreation soccer solve all the problems between siblings? No, of course not. However, it does offer an opportunity to teach them to support each other.

4. A team working together will accomplish more than one great player. This lesson seems to be the hardest for all the soccer players to grasp. When this little team first started out, the only thing on the mind of the players was to kick the ball into the net. They would push and kick wildly, regardless of whom else was in the huddle kicking with them. We often saw a huddle of only our team players, fighting over the ball. I find myself still having to gently remind my son that it is okay to kick or pass the ball to one of his teammates if he is surrounded and they are open. He still tries to throw the ball in to himself and forgets that he has teammates who can help out. However, anytime I see an assist at the goal, I reinforce to him how much easier it was for him to score with an assist. Anytime I see him struggling with too many opponents and the ball, I encourage him to pass it to a teammate.

5. It is okay to recognize the strengths in himself and others. Lastly I have found that soccer gives my son the opportunity to find his own strengths. He finds a little bit of self esteem that he is good at scoring from far away. We ask him what he feels he is best at and what he thinks he could work on. He is learning through the process that he is good at some things and that he can improve in areas if he works at them. We also encourage him to cheer on players on his team for their strengths. We point out when other players are good at ball handling and tell him to let them know. We have him notice when the other team is good at teamwork or defense and once again, ask him to let the other players know. He is able to focus on good in others and not be as critical of himself as he realizes that everyone is good at different tasks and skills.

Our recreation soccer experience has been nothing but a fun and learning experience for us. As a parent, my influence is still stronger than a coach's, other parents or other players. I can help to infuse my son with more than just soccer skills and a desire to win. I can help him to learn lessons about life and getting along with others. As he grows and as long as he continues to play, I hope these first lessons on soccer are the ones he retains. I hope the game is always fun and he treats others with respect. I hope he appreciates the support from others and finds in himself strengths he can be proud of and weaknesses he can work on.

Nicole Wardell is a mother of four and writes for http://www.greggsports.com in her 'spare' time.